


One Day

by Mistehri



Series: 「 Insider 」: Ode to Soonyoung & Jihoon [5]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Swearing, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistehri/pseuds/Mistehri
Summary: It’s unfair, he thinks, to think the way he does. Toxicity is what he tries to avoid.In which Soonyoung is disappointed but not surprised, but Jihoon is there to help him heal.(Or alternatively, me venting out my feelings through this fic about MAMA.)
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: 「 Insider 」: Ode to Soonyoung & Jihoon [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944688
Comments: 21
Kudos: 175





	One Day

**Author's Note:**

> MAMA 2019 was rigged.
> 
> I am in no way bashing other groups for getting their awards. Everyone deserved what they got and they’ve earned it rightfully, but I just want to say that Seventeen deserved at least the Best Male Dance Performance, not some makeshift crap like the Breakthrough award (though I’m grateful they won two awards tonight). They’ve won BMDP for 2 consecutive years now and their choreography at this year’s MAMA was absolutely amazing. (Like, Wonwoo ate a flower, wtf.)
> 
> I believe (correct me if I’m wrong) that MAMA’s criteria was 20% votes from fans, and I’m really proud of Carats for being able to cram. But the whole award system was bullshit. I’m not saying that the groups who won were talentless or the votes were just based on popularity (because those groups are amazing as well), but the system was completely rigged.
> 
> I’ve read that some of the Seventeen nominations didn’t even make it to the final round (despite them getting 3rd place in half the categories for online voting), and I’m disappointed but not surprised. 
> 
> Anyway, before I get too carried away and say something I might regret, I just wanna close this off by saying let’s not bash other groups, okay? Everyone deserved what they got and we should be grateful SVT got awards tonight. Instead, let’s focus on the boys and shed some positive light to them. It’s unhealthy to keep thinking about this when we should be showering the boys with love and praise, especially with our leader out. 
> 
> Seventeen is growing, slowly but surely and we’ll get there one day. Don’t start fanwars and let’s just focus on the positive side of things.
> 
> Like how THEY CHANGED THEIR HAIR COLOR, PINK JIHOON IS BACK, WHAT. AND HIS UNDERCUT?
> 
> AND BLUE-HAIRED WONWOO.
> 
> AND WHITE-HAIRED SOONYOUNG.
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> If this came out contradicting, I didn’t mean to. Basically, the summary of all that was everyone got the awards they deserve, but SVT deserved BMDP just as much.
> 
> Enjoy reading! ❤

“AYO, MAMA! ARE YOU READY?"

Adrenaline. That’s what Soonyoung feels. Adrenaline and anger.

So.

Much.

Anger. 

He should’ve expected this. He should’ve seen it coming but even so, he can’t help but feel disappointed. Surprised? No. He’s been through this enough times to know what was about to happen, but still.

“BAKSU!"

And as he claps, shouting ‘hey!’ repeatedly at the top of his lungs, the adrenaline in his veins increases tenfold. It distracts him and he’s off by a beat, but he’s not too worried. The cheers and cries of their fans, of the audience, spurs him on. It fuels his energy and he inhales the attention hungrily, desperate to prove everyone how  _ wrong  _ they are.

He throws himself out there, yelling out ad-libs every chance he’s got. Cameras zoom past them, capturing every moment of their performance. He glares at the lens with his fierce tiger gaze, body burning with determination. He needs to show everyone that Seventeen aren’t a group to be underestimated. They deserve awards just as much as everyone else does. They’ve worked hard for this, damn it.

Their performance is over before he knows it and by the time they’re backstage, Soonyoung feels his adrenaline dissipate into guilt.

It’s unfair, he thinks, to think the way he does. Toxicity is what he tries to avoid. Usually, he’s known for being the mood maker, the person who keeps the group optimistic and in good spirits. Yet here he is, feeding off of pure anger and desperation to — to...

To what?

To prove everyone wrong? To make them feel sorry for giving away awards to groups that deserve it? To make Carats feel as though they haven’t done enough?

No, that’s not what he wants. He’s grateful for the awards they’ve received. 2019 has treated them better than any other year had so far, and he should be thankful for what they’ve earned. He’s proud of his members. His members, who’ve sacrificed countless sleepless nights and skipped out on meals to practice relentlessly for performances. His members, who’d cried their eyes out when they first got their Rookie award. His members, who’d earned their very first daesang award on AAA.

And yet, that’s exactly the reason why he’d been so angry.

His members have worked so hard, practicing night and day. They’ve shed all their sweat and tears and they’ve poured their hearts out during performances. They’ve doubted themselves constantly and had even questioned their worth in debuting four years ago. They’ve been through so much and yet, here they are, coming out with two awards.

Soonyoung is disappointed. 

He’s disappointed in MAMA. He knows — every artist knows — that the whole system is rigged, that judges can be biased and favor a certain group. People brave enough to speak have even called them out on it, but does it ever change? No. It never does, because they’re blinded by the fame and they’re greedy bastards.

He tries not to blame the event too much though, because he’s more disappointed in himself.

He must’ve done something wrong. He’s almost certain, because how is it that they’ve won a daesang at AAA but not a single one at MAMA? Had people been expecting a different choreography for Fear, something hype and exciting as Hit had been? Was the dance too complicated for people to follow? He ponders this as they head back to the vans.

And when they get back to the hotel to rest up for their flight back, Soonyoung’s heart grows heavier at how unusually quiet his members are, like they’re disappointed too. He doesn’t want that. His role as the pseudo-leader and mood maker calls out to him. It’s telling him to make sure they’re okay, to reassure them that they’ve done all they could and what’s done is done.

“We did a good job tonight, guys,” Soonyoung reassures, voice cheery and light when they enter the hotel lobby. “Seriously, I don’t think we’ve performed like that before. I’m sure S.Coups is proud of us."

Thankfully, his tactic works. His members smile, nodding along at the mention of their dear leader. Murmurs of appreciation flitter through them and for a moment, Soonyoung’s shoulders feel a little lighter. 

Chan laughs, the sound comforting. “I didn’t think Wonwoo-hyung would eat the rose like that,” he says, and the said man flushes lightly. “So sexy, hyung!"

“It was messier than I thought it would be,” Wonwoo replies, pushing his glasses up. “And it didn’t taste very good either. Kind of like cardboard."

“We should celebrate,” suggests Seungkwan. “I heard this hotel has good food in the diner. Maybe we can send a video to Cheol-hyung too while we’re at it. I miss him."

Hums of agreement float throughout the group, and with a final approval from their managers, the members are heading towards the diner with the intentions of celebrating.

“Not coming?” Joshua questions when he sees Soonyoung and Jihoon staying back.

“No,” says Soonyoung truthfully. “Um, I think I’ll rest up a bit. My knees are kind of aching and we have an early flight to catch tomorrow."

Beside him, Jihoon doesn’t say anything but nods.

Joshua shrugs. “Alright, leaders. Suit yourselves,” he hums, then walks away to catch up with the rest of their group.

It’s almost awkward after that, which Soonyoung can’t figure out why. The air between him and Jihoon is a little tense but he assumes the producer is just a little tired from their performance earlier. He’s always been known to nap whenever he can, especially all those late nights he’s spent staying up to work on their album.

All. Those. Nights.

Turning to the younger man before his thoughts can stray further into something unpleasant, Soonyoung gives him a light smile and says, “You did great tonight, Hoonie. You should be proud of yourself too. You’ve worked the hardest."

Jihoon blinks and stares up at him. Then, flatly, he says, “You’re not very good at lying."

_ Ah. _

Soonyoung’s smile falls gradually when Jihoon pierces him with his cat-like glare. He’s never been able to lie to Jihoon, no matter how small it is. The younger man has some sort of sixth sense, he thinks, and he doesn’t know why he bothers. Jihoon has always been able to read him like an open book.

Wrapping his arm around the producer, Soonyoung’s voice drops. “Let’s go up?"

Instead of answering, Jihoon reaches around and tugs at Soonyoung’s hand.

The dancer stumbles a little but regains his footing, startled. He tries to read Jihoon’s expression but all he’s met with is the back of the producer’s undercut. He looks ridiculously handsome and reminds Soonyoung terribly of their Mansae era.

He almost slaps himself. Definitely not the time to be fawning over his boyfriend.

They reach their shared hotel room with a quick trip to the elevator and only then does Jihoon let his hand go to swipe his card in the slot. No words are exchanged until Soonyoung is being forced to sit on the edge of the bed, with the little devil towering over him intimidatingly.

“What’s wrong?” Jihoon asks — more like demands — simply.

“Why would you assume something is wrong?” Soonyoung shoots back, almost childishly. “I haven’t said anything."

Jihoon clicks his tongue. “You were pissed. During our performance."

“I wasn’t pissed.”  _ I was. _

”You were."

“I wasn’t,” Soonyoung insists stubbornly. Why? He doesn’t know himself.

Jihoon levels him with an even stare. “You’ve never been able to lie to me. Why were you angry? Is it because we didn’t win, hm?"

“That’s not it,” snaps Soonyoung. He realizes his mistake when he sees the victorious glint in Jihoon’s eye.

“So you were angry,” the producer says triumphantly. 

Soonyoung doesn’t look at him, eyes trained on the piece of lint on the bed sheet. He deflates a little, at how right Jihoon is. Now that he’s being confronted, he feels a little immature. What excuse can he give other than  _ we worked hard this year?  _ He himself can’t even validate their worth to receive such awards, how is he supposed to tell Jihoon how he feels without sounding greedy?

Jihoon must’ve caught his expression because his voice softens. “Hey.” Soonyoung feels his hand caress his cheek and he leans into it. “Just tell me straight-up, okay? You’re the one who taught me not to keep my feelings to myself."

“I know...” Soonyoung trails off, his own hand coming up to cover Jihoon’s. “You were right. I don’t know what happened. I’ve...I’ve never felt like this."

“Tell me?” The question is delicate, like Jihoon is expecting him to refuse.

Soonyoung sighs, his other hand coming up to play with the hem of Jihoon’s blazer. “I guess I had my expectations up too high. I thought we’d win Best Male Dance Performance again, but then they announced the winner. It was just before our set too and...I don’t know. I just...got so angry. Those people — the judges — they  _ know  _ we’ve won two times in a row, but then they go ahead and do that. I just thought it was pretty shitty."

“And you don’t think they deserve it?” Jihoon raises an eyebrow.

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Soonyoung backtracks, licking his lips. “I meant...I mean, they deserve that award too. Everyone deserved what they got. They’ve worked hard, harder than us, and they came from a tough place. But it just...it felt like a slap to the face, I guess? Like, they knew we’d be performing right after that award would be given, and they knew we were the previous winners for the last two years."

“And you got angry because of that?"

“Don’t say it like that,” Soonyoung whines, tugging Jihoon’s blazer. “You make me sound immature and — I guess my reasons aren’t valid, are they?"

Jihoon stays quiet for a moment and Soonyoung feels his heart sink. A familiar heat builds at the base of his jaw, traveling up to his nose and just behind his eyes. 

“I think it’s reasonable,” Jihoon says after a moment. “I mean, MAMA is pretty shitty anyway, everyone knows that."

Soonyoung shrugs, eyes lowering. “I just feel disappointed. More towards myself than that show, I mean."

“Why are you disappointed in yourself?” questions JIhoon softly. 

Soonyoung shrugs again. “I don’t know. I just felt like...maybe if I made a different choreo for Fear, something energetic like Hit, maybe then people would stop underestimating us. I feel like...like I let everyone down. Pledis, Carats...even you guys. God, when we went to the vans and everyone was just so quiet...I felt like crap, but I wanted to give them something to be happy about. I guess I wanted a distraction too."

“You didn’t let anyone down,” Jihoon says quietly, lifting Soonyoung’s chin to make eye contact. “Soonyoung, out of everyone, you’ve worked the hardest this past year. Creating choreographies for Fear and Hit wasn’t an easy thing to do. Hell, you didn’t sleep for two days straight because you were up perfecting those dances. We have no reason to be disappointed, especially in you. We just need to make this a reason to help motivate us for next year."

“I know,” Soonyoung sighs dejectedly. “I felt guilty afterwards. I know I shouldn’t have thought like that, and I have more reasons to be grateful than not. We won a daesang this year too. I know I shouldn’t let awards define who we are as a group, but...I don’t know. I just feel...betrayed?” He pauses, then shakes his head. "No, not really betrayed. I don’t know the right word."

Jihoon’s lips quirk up slightly. “I’m glad you acknowledge that,” he says. “We are so much more than the awards we get. If anything, all that matters is that we improve every performance. It doesn’t matter which groups we’re competing against. We’re always improving ourselves every time, and that’s more than enough for now. Besides, half of our members trended the whole time MAMA was going on, y’know? I saw the tweets."

Soonyoung snorts at that. “What for?"

“I don’t even know,” Jihoon chuckles, then knocks his forehead gently against Soonyoung’s. “Point is, we should only focus on the betterment of ourselves and Carats. They’re the ones we really want to make proud, are they not?"

“Yeah,” Soonyoung hums, feeling the tension on his shoulders ease drastically. “They really are."

Jihoon smiles and kisses his forehead. “No matter how many awards we win or not, Seventeen is growing slowly but surely. Maybe this year won’t be the year, but we’ll have our moment one day. Trust me. That thing you said about them starting from a tough place — we’re like them too, you know? Small company, on the verge of bankruptcy — but look at us now. Where’s all this positive energy you’ve always rubbed in my face about?"

Soonyoung feels his lips curve up. “Still here and shining."

“Yes, it is,” Jihoon agrees, letting his arms drop onto Soonyoung’s shoulder. “My star."

“Thank you,” says Soonyoung gratefully, reaching up to kiss JIhoon’s jawline. “You say you’re emotionally constipated, but you’re actually a really good outlet, Hoonie."

Flushing lightly, Jihoon pinches the dancer’s cheek. “That’s my job, isn’t it?” he jokes. “Not only a producer, but as your boyfriend. It’s weird to see you in these types of moods ‘cause you’re so loud and hyper all the damn time."

“Is that supposed to be a compliment? ‘Cause I’ll take it."

“Idiot.” Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Feeling better?"

Soonyoung tugs him down for a kiss. “Much. Love you."

“Gross, but love you too, I guess."

And if Jihoon tugs him onto their shared bed with red ears and demands to be little spoon, makeup still on and outfit still intact...well, that’s not anyone’s business but Soonyoung’s.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, after writing this, I feel a thousand times better. I admit, I did get a little lazy halfway through because I already felt calmer than I did before I wrote this. Write your feelings out, it really helps. Or vent to Jihoon, hehe.
> 
> Just found a post about Soonyoung’s outfit on their flight back and can I say, damn. Soonyoung in a black bandana and black trench coat and a black mask is fine asf, ngl.
> 
> Also, Seventeen will get an award at a museum, as they rightfully should 😌
> 
> Let’s focus on the Golden Disk Awards for now (which is coming in January). What’s done is done and like Jihoon said, we should use this as motivation for next year!
> 
> Wrapping this up by saying don’t waste your time or energy arguing with someone, Carats. We all know that SVT are the true winners in our hearts ❤️
> 
> (Once again, not intended to bash on any groups. Everyone deserved their awards.)
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mistehri)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.qa/mistehri)
> 
> Not really looking for feedback this time ‘cause this was me just basically ranting, but feel free to express your thoughts or vent below. Thanks for reading! ❤


End file.
